The Emotions of Writing a Memoir

For the past couple of years, I’ve worked on a memoir about the loves in my life, which has been a process I couldn’t have predicted when I wrote the first line. So many questions arose throughout the work (which is almost done — first draft goes to my agent by Labor Day), some of which I anticipated while others appeared born of the memoir-writing process itself.

The first mini-draft (an overgrown outline) arrived linearly. I began with the first relationship and worked my way through to the current moment, but even though early readers loved it, the shape of that story didn’t meet my own expectations. I wanted the shape to reveal some of the relationships themselves, and I knew it would take a bit of massaging the work.

The second draft was more complete, but I began finding it difficult to poke and prod my own memories. And even though I thought I was revealing a lot, I know that my current relationships with the people I’ve loved caused me to hold back. In other words, the old pick-up-the-pen-and-open-the-vein writing adage is true. I needed to pour the blood onto the page.

Third draft. I realized several themes had risen in the work. I split each person’s story into different  structural formats. The first marriage, torn apart by violence, remained in capsules told in a more-or-less accurate timeline. The pain of that abusive relationship couldn’t be toned down, but I contained it within first-person scenes with titles that define the pithiness of the “chapters.” The other relationships, very different from each other, required an equally different type of “telling.” One is told in travelogue, while the other uses a poetic format.

Fourth draft. All of the pieces are in play, and the rewrites have been done. I’m waiting for one last piece from my writing group (who I talk to today), then I’ll rewrite what I’ve given them. This morning, I spent hours reading and working on my patio…

Final draft: I tell my students all the time to run their work through a grammar program before sending it to an editor or agent, and I follow my own advice. I’ll be spending time checking sentence structure, subject/verb agreement, and passive voice before I package the final product up and send it off to my agent.

I have three weeks to finish this puppy. Wish me luck!

Peace,

D